Patient:  Doctor, you have to help me. I snore so loud I wake myself up.
Doctor:  Then you'll have to sleep in another room.

Sister:  Did you take a bath today?
Brother:  No. Is one missing?

Q:  What is a chicken's favorite running shoe?
A:  Re-bok-bok-bok.

Q:  What did the mop say to the bucket?
A:  You look pail today.

Q:  Why did the tomato blush?
A:  Because it saw the salad dressing.

Q:  Who can hold up a school bus with one hand?
A:  A crossing guard.

Q:  Where do books sleep?
A:  Under the covers.

Q:  Why would you put oil on a mouse?
A:  Because it's squeaky.

Q:  What is a clock's favourite game?
A:  Tick tock toe.

Q:  What subject do mosquitoes like?
A:  A-itch-ma-tic.

Q:  What subject do snakes like?
A:  Hiss-tory.

Q:  What is the slowest bird?
A:  A turtle dove.

Q:  What does a frog wear on its feet in summer?
A:  Open toad sandals.

Q: If a sea gull flies over the sea, why doesn't fly over the bay?
A: Because then it would be called a bay gull.

Q:  Why did the brontosaurus have a band aid on his arm?
A:  She had a dino-sore.

Q:  What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A:  I-don't-think-he-saurus.

Q:  What do you call two dinosaurs who've been in an accident?
A:  Tyrannosaurus wrecks.

Beaver:  My sister is always picking on me!
Leader:  Oh ... is she spoiled?
Beaver:  No, she always smells like that!

Q:  What do you call a camel without a hump?
A:  Humphrey!

Q:  Do you know the name of Snow White's brother?
A:  Egg White.

Q:  Why did the crow look for a telephone?
A:  He wanted to make a long distance caw.

Q:  Why did the jelly roll?
A:  Because it saw the apple turnover.

Q:  What kind of gum does the Easter Bunny chew?
A:  Chicklets.

Q:  What do ghosts chew?
A:  Booboo gum.

Q:  What kind of shoes do ghosts wear?
A:  Booooo-ts.

Q:  How do bees get to school?
A:  On a school buzz.

Q:  Why do bees hum?
A:  They don't know the words to the song.

Q:  What do you call two banana peels?
A:  A pair of slippers.

Q:  What did the banana say to the sundae?
A:  Gotta split.

Q:  Why did the banana go to the doctor's?
A:  It wasn't peeling well.

Q:  What did one ear say to the other?
A:  See you around the block.

Q:  What did the dirt say to the rain?
A:  Because of you, my name is mud.

Q:  What did one potato chip say to the other?
A:  Let's go for a dip.

Q:  What did one penny say to the other?
A:  Together we make more cents.

Q:  Why is a river rich?
A:  Because it has two banks.

Q:  What do you call a small joke?
A:  A mini ha-ha.

Q:  What is white on the outside, green on the inside, and hops?
A:  A frog sandwich.

Q:  What did the beaver say to the tree?
A:  It was nice gnawing you.

Q:  What are the last three hairs on a dog's tail called?
A:  Dog hairs.

Q:  Why did the little red house call for a doctor?
A:  Because it had a window pane.

Q:  What do whales order for dinner?
A:  Fish and ships.

Q:  What used to hold up stage coaches?
A:  The wheels.

Q:  Why are books like spies?
A:  Because they are under cover.

Q:  What did the fire hose say to the garden hose?
A:  Get out of here, you little squirt.

Q:  Why does a baby pig eat so much?
A:  To make a hog of himself.

Q:  Where do whales go to the movies?
A:  To the dive in theatre.

Q:  Where is Moscow?
A:  In the barn beside Pa's cow.

Q:  Why can't a bike stand up by itself?
A:  Because it's two tired.

Q:  What bird can lift the heaviest weights?
A:  A crane.

Q:  What kind of fish is man's best friend?
A:  A dog fish.

Q:  What did the big toe say to the little toe?
A:  Don't look now, but I think we're being followed by a heel!

Q:  What did one eye say to the other eye?
A:  There's something between us that smells.

Q:  What happened when the little bird flew into the electric fan?
A:  Shredded tweet.

Q:  What does a moose get when he lifts weights?
A:  Mooseles.

Q:  What did the carpet say to the floor?
A:  I've got you covered.

Q:  What did one wall say to the other?
A:  I'll meet you at the corner.

Q:  What's the best thing you've ever had in your cafeteria?
A:  A fire drill.

Q:  Did you hear the joke about the pop fly?
A:  Never mind. It's over your head.

Q:  What time do you go to the dentist?
A:  Tooth 30.

Q:  Why did the boy shake the brown cow?
A:  He wanted chocolate milk.

Q:  When is a baseball player like a spider?
A:  When he catches flies.

Q:  What do you call a dog's kiss?
A:  A pooch smooch.

Q:  What do you call two birds in love?
A:  Tweet hearts.

Q:  What did the farmer give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A:  A hog and a kiss.

Q:  Why did the dog get a ticket?
A:  He was in a No Barking zone.

Q:  Why do dogs have hair?
A:  Because without it they would be a little bare.

Q:  How much does it cost for a pirate to get his ear pierced?
A:  A buck an ear.

Q:  What has four wheels and flies?
A:  A trash (garbage) truck.

Q:  Why were the elephants thrown out of the pool?
A:  They couldn't keep their trunks up.

Q:  How do dogs get rid of fleas?
A:  They start from scratch.

Q:  What is the fastest thing a witch can travel on?
A:  A vroomstick.

Q:  Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A:  It was feeling a little crumby.

Resources on the Internet

• Jeannie's joke page — Has about 30 more links, but check some of the kid's sites back on our Links page.
• Scatty.com — Jokes, jokes, and more jokes and humour for kids and all the family.
• Silly jokes — These jokes may need to be edited to make them Beaver-age appropriate.