Q:  What has teeth and cannot eat?
A:  A comb.

Q:  Why did the farmer become a teacher?
A:  So he could grade his eggs.

Q:  What happened when Joey lost his dictionary?
A:  He knew he was in for a bad spell.

Q:  What did the beaver say to the tree?
A:  It's been nice gnawing you.

Q:  Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
A:  Because his head is so far away from his body.

Q:  Why is it cheap to feed a giraffe?
A:  He makes a little food go a long way.

Q:  If you had five pieces of candy, and Jackie asked for one, how many would you have?
A:  Five.

Q:  What does a kid need if he's absent during final exams?
A:  A good excuse.

Q:  Why did the blackboard start to cry?
A:  Because it was all chalked up.

Q:  What does it mean when the barometer starts falling?
A:  Whoever nailed it up didn't do a good job.

Q:  How did Mr. and Mrs. Octopus come aboard the ark?
A:  Arm in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm, in arm.

Q:  What goes uphill and downhill but never moves?
A:  A road.

Q:  Why is it so hard to fool a snake?
A:  Because you can't pull his leg.

Q:  Why were so few books written during the Dark Ages?
A:  Because there wasn't enough light to write by?

Q:  Where do books sleep?
A:  Under their covers.

Q:  What is raised in Brazil during the rainy season?
A:  Umbrellas.

Q:  How do you learn to drive real fast?
A:  Take a crash course.

Q:  What has one eye open and can't see a thing?
A:  A needle.

Q:  What's white when it's dirty?
A:  A blackboard.

Q:  What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A:  A bee flying backwards.

Q:  What does the vegetable garden say when you tell it a joke?
A:  Hoe-hoe-hoe!

Q:  What did the train engine say when it had a cold?
A:  A-choo, a-choo, a-choo-choo-choo.

Q:  What goes up yet does not come down?
A:  Your age.

Q:  What did the mirror do when the boy told it a joke?
A:  It cracked up.

Q:  What kind of clothing can you make out of banana peels?
A:  Slippers.

Q:  What Roman emperor had an allergy?
A:  Julius Sneezer.

Q:  What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
A:  Odour in the court!

Q:  How many skumks does it take to stink up a room?
A:  A phew!

Q:  What do you get when you cross a bear with a skunk?
A:  Winnie the Phew!

Q:  How did you find last night's homework?
A:  I found it okay last night, but this morning I couldn't find it at all.

Q:  What runs around the yard but never moves?
A:  A fence.

Q:  Why did the man tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
A:  He didn't want to wake up the sleeping pills.

Q:  What do ghosts ride at the amusement park?
A:  The roller ghoster.

Q:  What goes ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-plop?
A:  Somebody laughing their head off.

Q:  What colours would you paint the sun and the wind?
A:  The sun rose and the wind blue.

Q:  Why is the sun so smart?
A:  Because it is so bright.

Q:  What animal doesn't play fair?
A:  A cheetah.

Q:  Why does a hummingbird hum?
A:  Because he doesn't know the words.

Q:  What has more lives than a cat?
A:  A frog. It croaks every night.

Q:  What subject bugs students the most?
A:  Arithme-tic!

Q:  Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
A:  Because it was feeling so crummy.

Q:  Why is a river always rich?
A:  Because it has a bank on each side.

Q:  What gets wetter and wetter the more it dries?
A:  A towel.

Q:  What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
A:  Gee, you're boooo-tiful!

Q:  What does a ghost on guard say when he hears a noise?
A:  Halt! Who ghosts there?

Q:  Why did the dog keep turning around in circles?
A:  He's a watchdog — and he's winding himself up..

Q:  What did the kind do when the prince failed all his tests?
A:  He crowned him.

Q:  What is the best thing to put into a homemade pie?
A:  Your teeth.

Q:  Why couldn't the little pig do his homework?
A:  Because his pen ran out of oink.

Q:  Why did the farmer name his pig Ink?
A:  Because it kept running out of the pen.

Q:  What do kangaroos have that no other animal has?
A:  Baby kangaroos.

Q:  What falls down but never gets hurt?
A:  Snow.

Q:  How can you tell where a train has gone?
A:  It leaves a track behind.

Q:  What kind of ears does a train have?
A:  Engineers.

Q:  How do you catch a rabbit?
A:  Stand behind a bush and make a noise like a carrot.

Q:  How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A:  You 'neek up on it.

Q:  How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A:  Tame way. You 'neek up on it.

Q:  What kind of bush does a rabbit sit under when it rains?
A:  A wet one.

Q:  What colour is a guitar?
A:  Plink.

Q:  Why is the year 2000 good for kangaroos?
A:  It is a leap year.

Q:  What is an astronaut sandwich made of?
A:  Launch meat.

Q:  What has a face but cannot see?
A:  A clock.

Q:  What are the two most important letters in the alphabet?
A:  E-Z (for Canadians, say it as ZEE).

Q:  Why do they call fish brain food?
A:  Because they always travel in schools.

Q:  What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A:  A perch.

Q:  Why do fish swim in salt water?
A:  Because pepper makes them sneeze.

Q:  Why do birds fly south for the winter?
A:  Because it's too far to walk.

Q:  Why is the library the highest room in the school?
A:  Because it has the most stories.

Q:  Where do you put dogs to get them off the street?
A:  In a barking lot.

Q:  What do you call it when you have to clean the blackboards in only ten seconds?
A:  Erase against time.

Q:  Why is it hard to talk when there's goat around?
A:  Because he keeps butting in.

Q:  What lies around all night with its tongue hanging out?
A:  A shoe.

Q:  What has a tongue but cannot talk?
A:  A shoe.

Q:  What has a soul but cannot be saved?
A:  A shoe.

Q:  Why is a student like a king?
A:  They both have a few subjects they don't like.

Q:  What does a duck do when he flies upside down?
A:  He quacks up!

Q:  What did the boy say when his dog fell off the cliff?
A:  Doggone!

Q:  Why is a pencil like a riddle?
A:  Because it's no good without a point.

Q:  What time is it when the clock strikes thirteen?
A:  Time to fix the clock.

Q:  Why did the boy cut a hole in his umbrella?
A:  So he could see when it stopped raining.

Q:  Why did the farmer become a teacher?
A:  So he could grade his eggs.

Q:  What has ears but cannot hear?
A:  Corn.

Q:  What is more useful after it's broken?
A:  An egg.

Q:  Why did Cinderella's team lose the volleyball game?
A:  Their coach was a pumpkin.

Q:  Why did they throw Cinderella off the baseball team?
A:  She kept running away from the ball.

Q:  What did Gretal say when her stepmother left her in the forest?
A:  "Look Hans, no Ma!"

Q:  What is black on the outside, white on the inside, and hot?
A:  A wolf in sheep's clothing.

Q:  What sits in the forest and tells long, boring stories?
A:  Smokey the Bore.

Q:  What paces back and forth, back and forth on the ocean floor?
A:  A nervous wreck.

Q:  Why did the chicken cross the road only half way?
A:  Because she wanted to lay it on the line.

Q:  Why did the gum cross the road?
A:  Because it was stuck to the chicken's foot.

Q:  Why didn't the turkey cross the road?
A:  He was stuffed.

Q:  Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
A:  It didn't have the guts.

Q:  What do you call a bull when it is sleeping?
A:  A bull dozer.

Q:  What does a five hundred pound canary say?
A:  "HERE KITTY, KITTY, KITTY."

Q:  Why is 6 afraid of 7?
A:  Because 7 8 9.

Q:  How many toad's tails would it take to reach the moon?
A:  One, if it was long enough.

Q:  What do you do if you are being chased by a lion, and elephant and some horses?
A:  Stop the carousel and get off.

Q:  What is the difference between a dentist and a teacher?
A:  A train says, "Choo choo," and a teacher says, "Don't chew."

Q:  Why did the doughnut go to the dentist?
A:  He wanted a chocolate filling.

Q:  How do lips fight?
A:  They smack each other.

Q:  What do you call a bull when it is sleeping?
A:  A bulldozer.

Q:  What do you get if you cross a chicken with a clock?
A:  An alarm cluck.

Q:  Why do mice take showers?
A:  To get squeaky clean.

Q:  Where do polar bears like to keep their money?
A:  In a snow bank.

Q:  Why do firemen wear RED suspenders?
A:  To hold their pants up.