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Funny But True
- I am in shape. Round is a shape.
- Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.
- Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
- Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
- Stupidity got us into this mess - why can't it get us out?
- Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
- Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
- An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
- There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.
- People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
- It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
- I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
- Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
- If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
- I don't get even, I get odder.
- In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
- I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it.
- Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
- I am a nutritional overachiever.
- My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.
- I am having an out of money experience.
- I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
- Not afraid of heights - afraid of widths.
- Practice safe eating - always use condiments.
- A day without sunshine is like night.
- I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.
- If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.
- Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.
- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
- One of life's mysteries is how a two-pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.
- It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
- The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
Contributed by Uncle Buck
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Last updated: September 16, 2000
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